Misuse of Magic

Finding a spell book at an old used book sale had been a welcome surprise. My friend Andrew and I just needed to get our hands on it and check it out. Who would have thought that it would have been so expensive? In all the stories, the sellers have no idea what they’ve got. Not feeling like coming up with almost three grand a piece, we satisfied ourselves by taking a load of pictures with Andrew’s phone.

We moved on with our day, eventually forgetting the book entirely. It wasn’t until later at his house that I brought it up. “You still have those pictures from earlier man?”

“Oh yeah. I was looking at them earlier on the train. It might be pointless, dude. I can’t understand a thing that’s written there.”

“Who ever said it was about understanding? Let me see.” I took the phone and read out a string of absolute gibberish. There was a loud pop, accompanied by a flash, and I almost burst into tears laughing. Standing in front of me, no more than 8 years old, was a little blonde girl that had to be Andrew. “HA! Oh, jeez, I’m sorry man. You gotta believe me, I couldn’t have done that on purpose.”

She stamped her foot in a huff. “It is NOT FUNNY.” She sure didn’t make a great case for that. I lost it again at her shrill voice and adorable little attempt at intimidating anger. “Change me back RIGHT! NOW!” She screeched, hitting me with what must have been all her might, causing me to double over in another fit of laughter.

“Alright, fine, missy.” I kept laughing as she glared at me. Abruptly, I stopped laughing. I had looked back at the phone to find a new spell to try, only to realize what I was holding. In my hand was a pink plastic brick of a phone. I went through it, hoping against hope it still had the pictures, but all I could find were 4 contacts: Mom, Dad, Home, 911. “Umm, I think this is yours.” I handed it back to her. I had to admit, it made sense, she was wearing a little blue jumper, not her old jeans and tee, why should her phone be any different.

Before we could react to this new development, there was another loud pop and flash. Andrew cowered on the floor this time, covering her ears. “Alright,” said the strange man standing in the room “I’ve gotten reports of unlicensed magic from three separate sources. What happened.”

“He did it.” Andrew shot a finger at me immediately.
“Did what?”
“Turned me into this!” She shrieked, as if it were immediately obvious.
“Ok, I can fix that. Which spell did you use?”
“That’s the problem,” I said “we don’t know. We had it in writing before, but it’s gone now.”
“Hmm, Ok… Well, let’s see if I can’t right things on my own.”

He gazed at Andrew for a few seconds, before there was another pop. Just like before, in a flash there was a new person in Andrew’s place. She was no longer a kid, but definitely still female. It was as though she had grown instantly into an absolute knockout of a woman. “What the hell did you do! Why do I have boobs!” Andrew started up again.
“Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong this ti-“
“Change me back you asshole! Get rid of these!” She kept screaming, grabbing her chest.

The wizard sighed, and suddenly, Andrew floated out of the room, into the bathroom. The door slammed behind him, and all sound was shut out. “You didn’t see that,” the wizard said to me. “Now, what do I need to know here. Clearly there are still some effects at work.” I was about to tell him it had been more than an age spell, when I had an idea.

“I just read the spell to my girlfriend, Amber, and she turned into a little girl. Acted like one too. That’s all I know.”
“Interesting,” he said, studying the bathroom door. “Yes, that would make sense. She definitely does view her womanhood like a prepubescent girl might. That would also explain the high levels of companionship she feels towards you, the spell must have ensured young children don’t hold any romantic love. Well, this shouldn’t be too hard to resolve.” He gave me a smile. “Done. But I must warn you, you’re not out of the woods yet. I could have wiped her memory, but we take that sort of thing very seriously. It’s not something I’m going to do just to get you out of trouble with your girlfriend. You’re going to have to work things out yourself to save this relationship.” He smiled to himself. It was half true at least. He remembered fooling with spells like that himself when he was a much younger wizard. He’d decided to cut the kids a break by resetting their romantic love and interpersonal chemistry undoubtedly higher than it had been to begin with. Nobody would complain about a stronger bond as a couple.

“Really, I might not,” I said. “Honestly, she wears me out so much in bed I’m just not sure I can keep up much longer.”

“Careful. I’m no idiot. Just for that, I’m double checking to make sure she has a healthy, normal sex drive.” The wizard laughed. The things these kids thought they could get away with. “Alright, I do think that’s everything.” With another pop, he was gone.

I crept into the bathroom. Andrew had not changed a bit since I last saw him. Well, not physically at least. No longer frantic, the look on her face was like watching a fire burn behind a sheet of ice. “I heard you through the door. That wasn’t cool.”
“Andrew, I-“
“Oh, don’t you mean Amber?” I couldn’t think of anything to say. After a long silence, she broke in again. “Well? I’m ready to hear all the ways you’re going to make this up to me.” She gave me a look full of anticipation… and desire.


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