Fear and solutions

When I got a little too grabby on a first date I got punched in the face. I thought that was the end of it until a middle aged woman showed up on my doorstep the next day. She told me she was my date’s mother and that her daughter had come home crying last night, terrified that she’d almost been raped. I told her it was all an over reaction, I’d just gotten a little too drunk and a little too aggressive. Nothing close to rape occurred. The woman said that her daughter felt differently, and that it was something no man could understand, but she’d teach me.

Her eyes glowed and suddenly I was looking up at her. I glanced down and realized I’d been turned into a petite chick! The woman cackled and told me to enjoy my new life, then strolled away leaving me in stunned silence.

I called up a friend to help me out. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually I thought I got through to him. As we discussed a plan he kept sliding closer and closer to me, which made me feel very nervous. He reached out and grabbed my breast and then tried to kiss me and I panicked and punched him. He howled and lunged at me, grabbing me. I squirmed and kicked him in the nads and then ran out of my own apartment.

I was terrified of what he could have done to me. I knew I’d gotten lucky and surprised him with the kick to the balls. He could easily have positioned his legs differently and pinned me and…

I waited in the bushes outside my house for hours for him to leave. When he finally did I was still in a state of panic. What if he’d stolen the spare key? What if he came back at night when I was asleep?

I grabbed all of my things I could carry and went to a hotel. Checking in late, the guy at the front desk gave me the creeps. I threw the deadbolt closed in my room, hoping that would be enough to stop him.

Everywhere I went I could feel men staring at me. Eyeing me. I knew they were all only thinking about one thing. I didn’t really have a job and my savings were dropping fast. I needed a steady source of income, but I also needed something to protect myself. Some way to feel safe.

I managed to get a job being paid under the table as a waitress. I was still losing money, but not as quickly. I’d need to find a more permanent housing solution. Someplace I could feel safe.

One day, a customer was nice to me and tipped well and asked me on a date. Unlike many of the guys who asked me on dates, he didn’t seem like a total creep. He was big and strong, but gentle somehow. Suddenly it hit me that this could be a solution to my problem. If I had a boyfriend…

We’ve been dating for a few months, and I do admit I feel safer with him. After learning about my living situation he invited me to move in with him, and I agreed instantly.

I did let him sleep with me. Quite a lot actually. He wanted it all the time, and I was afraid if I refused he’d leave me. It wasn’t so bad and sometimes if I was in the mood I’d even enjoy it. He keeps pushing for more and I keep giving it to him. He tells me I’m good at it, which is both embarrassing and flattering. I guess I know what a guy likes. Maybe that’s why I caved so easy when he said he wanted to try anal. Just like everything else we tried, it hurt at first, but then it wasn’t so bad, then a little good.

I’ve tried to find the girl I grabbed to apologize. To find her mother. No luck. The girl’s number was dead and I haven’t been able to find any leads. I still feel terrified whenever I’m alone in public, surrounded by men, so I try not to be. Sex isn’t a bad price to pay to feel safe.


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