9:45 PM Mitch: Bull shit.
9:46 PM Arthur: No, seriously. You need to come over to my place asap! I need help!
9:46 PM Mitch: There’s no way those dick rednecks at the bar were wizards.
9:47 PM Arthur: Then how the fuck do you explain this!
9:48 PM Mitch: … Why the fuck did you send me a pic of some white chick in a confederate flag bikini? Dude, that’s just messed up.
9:48 PM Arthur: Dude that’s me! Those rednecks made me white, made me a chick, and made me wear this bikini!
9:49 PM Mitch: … what the fuck man? That looks like your apartment in the background.
9:50 PM Arthur: No it’s real. I got on them about how ugly their stupid flag was and they said I was the ugly one, but they’d fix that. Then poof! I was this! They told me there was only one reason a pretty thing like me wouldn’t be wearing the flag and then left!
9:52 PM Mitch: … what’s the reason?
9:53 PM Arthur: Dude, just come over and help me figure out what to do… and can you see if you can find some other clothes with the flag on them?
9:53 PM Mitch: I’m not buying that shit.
9:54 PM Arthur: Dude please! This is all I can wear and when I tried to take it off I… lost control of myself.
9:54 PM Mitch: ?
9:55 PM Arthur: Ok fine. I guess the only reason they thought a pretty thing like me wouldn’t be wearing the flag was if she was getting fucked. When I took it off I got super horny. Now let’s just say I know a lot more about my neighbor than I ever wanted to.
9:57 PM Mitch: … dude… THAT’S AWESOME! I’m coming over right away!
9:57 PM Arthur: Don’t get any ideas Mitch.
9:59 PM Arthur: Mitch?
10:05 PM Arthur: Oh crap, you’re driving over here right now, aren’t you?
10:15 PM Arthur: Fine. But can you at least stop and see if you can find some other clothes with the flag on them?
10:35 PM Mitch: Don’t you know no one sells flag paraphernalia anymore except skeezy online stores? It’s gonna be days before anything we order arrives. Don’t worry, I think I know a way we can pass the time until then. I’m at the convenience store down the street and got a large box of condoms 😉 Be there in 5.