Oh Davy! I knew you’d turn out to be good for something. The way you’ve followed me around since high school. As if I’d let a pathetic little nerd, like you were, be my boy friend. But you were useful. That’s why I never let my real boy friends run you off or beat you up, to bad. I even put up with the teasing from my sorority sisters in college about my little puppy that followed me around. Of course, that was the only socially acceptable way I could be seen with the likes of you. I did appreciate all the papers you wrote for me. A few of the girls actually thought you were kind of cute and even though by that time I had come to realize I was a lesbian, you belonged to me! Then, after graduation, I met Derek here. He had everything I wanted. Social standing, money, position. The perfect man for the perfect marriage. But there was a problem. I was a dedicated lesbian. I found the very thought of a mans penis repugnant. What to do? If I married Derek, he would want sex and children. Then I thought of you. My faithful little pet. The one who has loved me from afar for all these years. A way to make it up to you. A way you can be with me forever. With help from a Goth sorority sister, I obtained a spell that changed you from Davy to Darla. Now, when Derek and I marry you will come with us. And when we have sex, you will be there. Your tongue to pleasure me and you pussy to pleasure Derek. And when we decide to have children, you will bear them. After all, I can’t allow pregnancy to ruin my figure. When we’re not having sex, you can be our maid and later our nanny. Doesn’t it sound great! One big happy family. I just knew there was a reason I kept you around all these years.