“So… Kylie… it’s extremely brave of you to ‘come out’ this way. I believe answering our viewers’ questions here on live TV is the breast, er-, BEST way to go about clearing up any misconceptions the public may have about you.”
“…Yeah, whatever.”
“Yes, well we best get started… Um… so say you’re an ‘M cup’?”
“Mm-hm.”
“Wow! That’s quite a drastic decision!”
“Yes, Karen, and they look so… natural!”
“Now, now Tom…”
“I’m just saying magic can sure do wonders! So, um, Kylie… who was it that performed your procedure?”
“Um… I’d rather not say right now.”
“Ah yes, I understand. Who ever they are, they are quite talented! Heh-heh, I’m sure patients are beating down their door.”
“I believe my drooling co-host is trying to say that you look amazing, Kylie. Don’t look so nervous though. You’ve been in front of many cameras before, just not as the ‘real you’. I’m sure it’s quite scary right now, but that will change. I admire you.”
“Um… thanks.”
“Yes, I admire you as well. I’m sure LOTS of fellas do. How’s the ol’ love life?”
“Oh, Tom!”
“Hey, our viewers just wanna know, Karen!”
“Well, yes, that IS a fair point… So, Kylie, how about it? Are you seeing anyone? I imagine that you’re no longer seeing Carlita Sanchez, considering the thinly veiled song she wrote about you after you were allegedly caught with another woman. Do you still prefer women… or…”
“Yo, that’s IT, I can’t take this no more! Look, everybody I’m Kyle Styles… or… I WAS… *sniff, sob* … I was Kyle Styles until… *sniff*”
“Oh, Kylie sweetheart, don’t cry.”
“Yeah, is it that time of the month already?”
“Oh, Tom!”
“Yo, I… *sniff* …I was Kyle Styles… until HE did this to me! He’s out there y’all! He could be anywhere! He can do anything to anyone! I used to be a skinny little white boy, and now I got these big fat titties, a big ass, and a… a PUSSY! He told me I had to tell the world that he’s just getting started!”
“Who?”
“The Master! He’s-“
—(Technical difficulties)—