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I left my therapist’s office in a huff. He’s so patronizing. Every time that I tell him that I am not going to let my impending second puberty change who I am or how I live my life he rolls his eyes and says something like
‘I’m sure you’ll try, but every recorded case of second puberty has resulted in significant personality and lifestyle changes by the end of the first 2 months after the completed transformation, often much sooner.’
‘But Raul, you don’t understand, I’m different. I’m fully commited to staying a man, no matter what kind of body I have’
‘I’m sure you are Clarence, but once your hormoes begin to change you really won’t have much of a choice. I’ve seen clients completely change their personalities in less than two days sometimes. Really the best thing for you is to take the changes as they come and try to adapt as soon as possible. In fact I’d already recommend looking into women’s clothes, or at least clothes of a smaller size. It looks to me like you’ve already lost significant body mass and shrunk a few inches.’
Just remembering the encounter I blushed and got mad. I’ve been trying to ignore the changes but he is not wrong. My arms are skinnier than they’ve been in years and I’ve had to roll the ends of my jeans up at least two inches for the last three days. I stomp to the parking lot and get in my car, the seat automatically adjusts to my normal specifications and I have to push it up several inches so I can reach the gas pedal. These little changes are annoying but I need to learn to accept them, I have second puberty, I am going to psychically become a woman but I am not going to let that change who I am! I turn on some music and drive home.
When I get home my older sister is sitting at the kitchen table shopping for clothes on her laptop.
“Don’t you already have enough clothes Diana?” I ask mockingly, she’s a bit of a shopaholic
She giggles “They aren’t for me! They’re for you silly! Missy and I have been having the best time searching for a wardrobe for you”
Ever since I got my diagnosis my girlfriend and sister have been rubbing it in as much as possible. Diana’s always wanted a little sister and since Missy and I have been on the rocks the last few weeks I think she’s relishing in my embarrassment. I look at the page she’s viewing. All flower dresses, skirts and short shorts. I shudder. What neither of them know yet is that today I’ve reached ‘the tipping point’. For the last few weeks my transformation has been slow, almost unnoticeable, in the way that puberty is the first time around. After today however things are going to shift radically, I wonder how long I’ll be pretend that nothing’s changed.
My alarm is buzzing but I don’t want to open my eyes. Even in my semi-conscious state I can tell that last night there were some serious changes. I can feel hair tickling the bottom of my ears and I can feel that my t-shirt and boxers are now far too big for me. I take a deep breath. Nothing is different unless I want it to be. I open my eyes and roll out of bed. My boxers immediately drop to the floor and my white t-shirt slips down my reduced frame to rest halfway down my shoulders. After a quick check in the bathroom I confirm that I’m not a woman yet, but I look like a skinny version of myself when I was 14. Yesterday I was 5’ 9” and now I can’t be over 5’ 4”. My frame is smaller than it’s ever been and my hair is wavy and down to my neck.
I jump when I hear rustling downstairs. My mother and sister are starting to get breakfast ready. I scramble to my closet and after almost half an hour manage to find something that fits. Unfortunately it’s my class shirt from my freshman year in high school (I’m 23 and had a major growth spurt sophomore year). I synch a belt as tight as I can around my smallest pair of shorts and walk downstairs. When I get to the bottom of the stairs everyone stares at me. My mother, very politely, says nothing, trying to respect my wishes. My sister however is not so respectful.
“Oh my god you changed so much! Are you a girl yet? You’re so small!”
She yells and hugs me, lifting me off my feet. My sister has always been tall for our family, nearly 5’ 8”, but it has never been so apparent to me until now. My mother mercifully intercedes.
“Now Diana leave your little…b…s…”
“brother” I interrupt in my higher but still masculine voice
“leave your brother alone, it looks like he’s had a rough morning.”
We manage to make it through breakfast and the rest of the day without any major incident, the biggest thing I noticed was that my sister’s web shopping has shifted to the ‘petite’ section.
Right before bed I look at myself in the mirror. This will probably be the last time I ever see myself as a man. What was I thinking? How can I hope to stay the same? I’m wearing a shirt from freshman year, and my I’m hardly 5’ 3” now. I’m still gonna try but I don’t know if this is going to work.
I lay down in bed, naked, and close my eyes.
When I wake up the changes feel even more intense than yesterday, but I am determined to face them. I open my eyes and stand up. My body is entirely female, perky breasts have grown on my chest and my body has developed feminine curves. On the plus side it seems that my height has more or less settled, it looks like I’m about 5’ 2”. For better or worse it seems that I’m not to only one who noticed. Sometime in the night it looks like Missy and Diana have swapped out all my clothes with the stuff they bought online. I don’t want to wear it, the idea of being seen in a dress and makeup seems as unnatural as ever, but nothing else will fit. I law on the bed, burying my face and ponder my options. There is no more hiding that I’m psychically female, but am I going to let that change me? A month a go I was a man named Clarence with a girlfriend and a new job. I like that life, but clearly the only way anyone is going to take me seriously is if I adapt. I don’t know what to do, should I…
Try on the dresses become a girl!
Resist! Keep your old identity at all costs!