Some of my peers would characterize me as mischievous. Some would even go so far as to call me a miscreant. I am a god. A minor god, mind you, but a god nonetheless. I like to think I am a good god, using my powers to better the lives of my charges. What most mortals don’t realize is that their prayers do get heard. They just rarely go to the big guy upstairs. Instead they come to minor gods, or guardian angels as some mortals call us, like me. Now most of us usually make subtle changes in our lives of our charges, requiring the mortal who prayed to them to identify and take the opportunity to better their lives themselves. I on the other hand usually like to take a more overt approach. Mortals can be rather dense after all. This has lead to me getting reprimanded by the big guy a couple times, but never anything too serious. My track record for improving the lives of those who’s prayer I get speaks for itself. So long as I don’t do anything that brings an end to the world, I’m pretty much free to proceed as I see fit.
Take this last job I just finished up for example. This sleeping beauty just moments ago used to be a 56 year old man name Herbert Powell. Life had been one unfortunate encounter after another. Despite working hard, he always seemed to get laid off, never being able to hold down a job for more than a few years at a time. Despite treating ladies with respect, he always seemed to get dumped by the women in his life only for them to fall into the arms of some asshole. However, throughout all these years of misfortune happening to him, he never once prayed, never pleaded to god to make things better for him. He seemed determined to make things better on his own. That is until tonight.
To be honest I’d had my eye on Herbert for years, but without a prayer my hands were tied. Today Herbert had just been laid off again. This time from a menial job at a retail store. Though the managers would never say it, everyone knew they got rid of him because of his advanced age, not believing he would be able to do the work. He went home in a depressed state, wanting more than anything to escape his feeling of impending doom. He did so in his usual way: by watching porn. We went a couple rounds while also drinking a couple beers, doing everything he could to numb himself. It was right as he was about to fall asleep when it happened.
God fucking damn it just give me a fucking chance
A bit vulgar, but technically still a prayer. I quickly set to work on answering his prayer. Finally I could help this man and give him the chance at life he deserved. Looking at his overweight aging body sitting naked in his armchair and his underwear around his ankles, I was all set to roll back his age to 18 and set him up to get a college education.
However as I was about to make the change, I noticed the type of porn playing on the TV. It was lesbian porn. A quick look into Herbert’s memory showed that he started watching this kind of porn more and more and watched it almost exclusively now. Looking deep into his thoughts, I saw how envious he was of all the young ladies he’d see and how carefree they seemed to be. Between that and what was playing on the TV, I decided to make a slight (well, not so slight) alteration to my plan.
Meet Kelli Paxton. Eighteen years old with a full ride scholarship for aerospace engineering, something Herbert always wanted to study. Why is his old underwear still wrapped around his legs? Well, I’m a sucker for dramatic reveals, and before you start to worry, I made sure reality had been altered to accommodate his new identity. As far as other changes, I didn’t do much. For instance, I left his (or I guess it’s now her) apartment almost identical to how it was before the change. I did leave her with an outfit that will fit her new body and some spending cash to start a new wardrobe. I figured that would be part of the fun.
Anyways, I wish I could stick around for Kelli to wake up, but duty calls. I wonder how I’ll be able to answer this prayer.