Aaargh. I can’t believe this stupid wish bank genie.
All I wanted was the perfect body, a rich husband, and infinite closet space. But no! Someone else will get my awesome wishes. Instead, I got turned into a guy! And to make it worse, I have this ridiculous donkey dick, and women can’t resist it!
Do you know how much of a pain in the ass this thing is? It doesn’t fit in my clothes, people stare at it in public, and it’s always hard! I have to have so much sex to stay satisfied, you would not believe it. I feel like I’m just fucking all day and night, I’m starting to seriously fall behind on my soaps.
And the worst part is all my friends. Suddenly all they want to do is fuck me. “Laura, let me ride your cock!” “Laura, I need you in me!” “Laura, fill me with your baby batter!” Which is ok, I guess. I mean, I gotta level with you, the sex is fucking ah-maze-ING. Mind blowing. So I don’t mind that part. The problem is when they get knocked up, which usually takes less than a month.
It’s like their brains turn off! Suddenly it’s allll about babies. Baby showers, baby names, cute baby outfits… ugh. I don’t have anyone left to talk to about shows, or clothes, or shoes. Gina here was the last one left, but now she told me she missed her period too, and pretty sure she’s going to join the rest of them! At least they let me keep fucking them while they’re preggo, apparently I “ruin them for all other men.” But it’s not as satisfying, you know? A girl likes to cuddle and talk once in a while.
I seriously need to go out and get some new friends. Maybe I’ll try and talk to those hotties down at reception, I’ve seen them checking out my package a few times. That’ll hold me for a couple of months, at least…