My name is Doctor Stephen Wallace. I’m a professor of European Anthropology at a major east coast university. I’m occasionally asked to consult with various major museums on the authenticity or nature of various artifacts in their collections. Recently, I received a call from a large New York museum concerning a shipment of artifacts they had recently received from an estate sale in Scotland. It seems there was one artifact that had defied their best efforts to identify either its name or function and they were asking for my help. They agreed to loan it to the University and would be shipping it to me right away. A few days later a large crate was delivered to my lab. When I uncrated the artifact, I must admit I was as puzzled as they were. It was obviously very old, but as to its function, I hadn’t a clue. It consisted of a heavy saddle shaped timber cross piece supported by two heavy but intricately carved legs which rose about a meter above two heavy iron base plates. The were two belt like leather straps attached to the base of each leg. It was a mystery, but solving mysteries was My profession. The artifact was photographed, it was measured, samples of the wood, the finish, the iron was taken for analysis. My research assistants poured through old books and archives. Colleagues were consulted. We even Googled it. At the end of two weeks, we knew approximately how old it was, what it was made from and even about where it was made, but still, What it was? I hadn’t a clue. Then, late one night, I sat pondering the artifact when the door to my lab opened. This surprised me because I had thought I was the only one left in the building. It was Emily Dickens, a pretty young grad student from England. Emily had been working on another project away from the University and just returned. She saw me and said, “Professor. I saw the light in the lab and…..MY GOD!” She was staring at the artifact. “Do you know what this is?” I asked her. “YES. Err I think so.” she hedged. stood up, “Well tell me girl. We’ve been beating our collective heads for two weeks trying to determine what it is.” Well, Professor, I’ve never actually seen one. Only a couple of old and crude drawings and a few references in very old manuscripts. But I think it’s a Maiden,s Saddle.” I asked, “Okay. What exactly is a maiden’s saddle?” “Ahh, It’s really more of a legend, I didn’t think any actually survived if they ever existed at all. According to legend, they were quite common in the 14th and 15th centuries. Then they just disappeared.” “Okay,” I said, “but what was their function?” She actually blushed. “Well back then, so the story goes, the nobility had the rights to any unattached female, maid, servant, cook, any maiden really, if you get my drift. Well naturally some women didn’t wish to be so honored and this device was used to , shall we say, keep her in her place while the lord took what was his due.” “Good lord,” I said. They actually did this?” “Oh yes,” she grinned, “So only used it occasionally but others found it quite stimulating and used it much more frequently, or so it’s said. Then towards the end of the 15th century, they feel out of use and disappeared. It was believed they were all destroyed.” In spite of myself, I was intrigued. “I wonder how they were actually used.” Emily said, “One of the drawings I saw had a crude depiction of one in use. Let me demonstrate.” Before I could say anything, she had stripped down to her high heels. She grinned at me and said, “Don’t worry professor. We’re the only ones in the building. Besides, this is for science, right?” Dumb founded I could only watch as she placed her ankles in the two short leather straps. Then bending over the cross bar, she placed her wrists in the two longer leather straps. As if with a mind of their own, the straps seemed to contact, leaving Emily bent over the Maiden’s Saddle in a most fetching position, Her nether regions exposed to easy view and access. She looked over her shoulder at me and with a mischievous giggle said, “What do you say Professor, Shall we give it a go?” I was in shock. This was so wrong, so unprofessional and the most erotic thing I had ever seen. I dropped my trousers and pressed into her. I don’t think I could have stopped myself if the entire faculty were watching. As I pounded away, Emily began to moan and as she gripped me tighter, I felt her begin to spasm and suddenly I was leaning over a wooded timber, my arms and legs held tightly by leather straps. There was something driving in and out of a place I shouldn’t have had and the most amazing feeling of orgasmic bliss washed over me. As I regained my senses, I realized the pounding had not stopped but was in fact speeding up. As I began building toward another orgasm a hand grabbed my hair and pulled my head up. Then a man’s voice said, “I’m afraid I didn’t tell you everything professor. You see, in 1501 a witch, fed up with the abuses of the nobility, placed a curse on all these infernal devices. Whenever they were used for their intended purpose, whenever either party approached orgasm, they would permanently swap their bodies. After more than a few nobles became milk maids and goat herds and wet nurses, the word got out to the other nobles and all the devices were destroyed. Well all but this one evidently. How did I know all this? The drawings and manuscripts I saw are in my family’s library. The witch who placed the curse was my many times great grandmother. Why did I do this to you? Well Emily, Why not?”
