Rhetorical Questions

Adam was sick and tired of doing poorly in school. It seemed like no matter how hard he studied he’d always get stumped by questions about the most obscure details possible. He was walking home on day after a particularly frustrating test. He’d gotten full marks on the essay, but somehow couldn’t list all the authors of the texts he’d been reading. “It’s not fair,” he grumbled to nobody in particular, “I just wish I knew the answer to any question.” A clap of thunder interrupted his train of thought. ‘That’s weird,’ he thought, ‘there isn’t a cloud in the sky’.

He got home, and found his buddy John waiting to play video games. They were hanging out for a little while, defending humanity from the alien hordes, before Adam started to notice something odd. “Why the fuck haven’t I found any shotgun ammo yet? I’m usually swimming in it by now?” John whined.

“They patched it out at 3:08 this morning. Some devs thought it was a balance issue. Now you’ve got to make due with what they give you to start with and hope you can scavenge a plasma rifle before the boss,” Adam replied immediately. That was weird, there was no reason he should have known that. He would barely read reviews for the games he bought, let alone descriptions of the patches. “Dude, ask me something else”

“Alright, fine. When was Genghis Khan born?”

“1162. But when he was born he was named Temujin. He gave himself the name Genghis later”

“Dude, what the fuck? I thought you hated history.”

“Well I do, but I think it doesn’t matter. I think I know the answer to any question no matter what.” Adam explained the circumstances of his wish earlier.

“Huh, that’s pretty cool,” John said. Super powers were cool and all, but Adam’s was kind of nerdy. Plus, he didn’t feel like thinking much right now, and this couldn’t exactly help them play games and relax. Still, there wasn’t any reason to be a dick. “Well this no shotgun bullshit is pissing me off. Wanna switch to some PvP?”

They quit the campaign and fired up some of the 1 on 1 splitscreen. “Don’t tell me, they removed shotguns from this too, but only for me right? You’re going to be practically swimming in them.” Adam laughed at the remark, then abruptly stopped when he looked at both their screens. They were facing off against each other in an empty room. Well, it was empty on John’s screen anyway. On Adam’s screen it was filled with roughly 2 dozen shotguns just waiting to be picked up.

“Fuck dude, how’d you do that?” demanded John.

“I don’t know. You asked me a rhetorical question, and I just sort of laughed and thought ‘yeah sure’. I didn’t think I could actually change anything.”

“Well you’re going to make it so I can use them too right?”

‘Fat chance of that,’ thought Adam. However, to his confusion, he saw John’s screen fill up with shotguns anyway. He stared blankly for a few seconds before it dawned on him. He wasn’t picking the outcome, John was. When the question was phrased like the answer was yes, that’s what the answer became. This could be dangerous, he knew he couldn’t tell anyone. John was never the kind of guy who would try to abuse this, but still, he wouldn’t be surprised if he told a couple of people about it. After that, Adam would basically be everybody’s free wishbank, and he knew not all the wishes would be good.

“Fine,” Adam said, walking forward and grabbing one of the shotguns, “I don’t need the fight to be unfair to make you my bitch.”

Adam’s confidence proved to be misplaced. John easily dodged his first shot, strafed around Adam, and put 2 slugs in his chest before he had time to take aim again. “That’s right! Who’s a bitch now!”

Suddenly Adam didn’t feel so great. He felt almost like he had the flu, with shaking, chills, and a cold sweat. Although when he looked down he looked anything but ill. A sick man would be pale and weak, but he’d never looked this tanned or toned in his life. What he had thought was sweat was actually his body hair fading away. He dropped the controller in shock, and felt it catch on the hem of the shocking short dress he was suddenly wearing. He was so distracted by the dress that it was a moment before he noticed the long hairless legs protruding from it. If they hadn’t have been attached to him, he’d have thought the only time they ever left the gym was to get the hair lasered off.

Reaching to pick up the controller, he was further shocked by the manicured feminine hand attached to his new slender wrist. He was so taken aback by the sight that he almost didn’t notice the faint tickling he felt on the back of his neck, and on his chest. He shifted his focus and realized his short brown hair had grown what must have been a foot. It now can down past his shoulders, and was falling through the loose front of his low cut dress, brushing his bare skin.

‘Wait a minute, why does my dress have such a loose front. The rest of it seems to fit.’ He thought the last part grimly as he looked down at his waspish waist and wide feminine hips. No doubt if he stood up he’d show off a plump, taut ass that was perfectly contoured by his clothing. As if in answer to his question, he felt a twitch in his chest. He looked down, and saw what appeared to be a pronounced heartbeat. No, two heartbeats. With each beat, his chest pushed out. However, once pushed out, it did not push back in. He could do nothing but watch in horror as his new breasts swelled to a more than ample size, filling the soft silk bra he hadn’t realized he’d been wearing.

“I guess I am,” he responded to John’s question in a breathy soprano.

“What the fuck man? Why’d you do this?”

Adam started to explain, but was cut off.

“Oh my god! You wanted this, didn’t you?”

Adam had to say something before John did any more damage. He realized he was already feeling more comfortable in his new skin, actually liking the way his dress showed off his impressive cleavage. But to his chagrin, his friend was hysterical and kept going.

“Fuck, why didn’t I see this. You so clearly turned yourself into my dream girl. I know you know my type, this couldn’t be an accident. You’re in love with me, that’s it right?”

Adam opened his mouth to protest, but stopped himself. Instead he said, “John, if you can promise to stop asking questions, I promise I can come up with a much better way than video games to spend our weekends.”


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