From Humbug to Whore-Whore-Whore
I had been having a very bad holiday. My wife had just left me, taking my children with her.
“Fuck her,” I thought, and went out drinking. I had shot after shot, until the bartender cut me off. Not for being a drunk, but simply for being broke. He kicked me out and told me not to come back.
When I returned to my apartment, it was trashed, and the landlord kicked me out.
I had nothing, and went shivering out into the cold.
That’s when I met a bell-ringing Santa.
“I can help you out,” he said.
“Yeah, buddy,” I told him, “what do you want me to do? Suck your dick?”
“Listen, I’m a holiday genie. I can help you out. You just have to wish for something.”
I laughed.
“Well then, everything’s gone to shit, I don’t even feel the Christmas spirit. I’d love to feel it.”
“That is arranged,” the Santa said, and then disappeared.